Her Sorrow.

By Parvathi MV

A girl cries silently late in the night, then the next morning she’s completely fine. She wails silently again, every night its the same routine, over thinking, intrusive thoughts, thoughts of self harm, never thought of suicide though, she wasnt that brave, she was a big fat coward.

Her life was amazing, nonetheless, she had very bad nights, nights where all she could think of was how others would react to her dying, to her hurting herself, to her just disappearing, every situation she would have imagined, but, no one came, no one was there to hug her through those nights, not anymore, the one person who she had was gone, left her all alone in this world.

This little girl wails for that person, curses that person, over and over again, every single night, she cries, and sobs, and heaves till she is numb and has to go faking her smile once more to school. She doesn't have many people to talk to, cause she is the person who people talk to, tell their problems to, she was their safe space, and she would continue being that safe space, she had a safe space, but she rarely went to it.

Of course she wouldn’t. 

She wanted a long warm hug, just so she could cry, cry silently into them, rely on them, melt into them, but alas she didn't have that person, so here she is, writing this. 

This little girl's name was irrelevant, no one cared enough to ask so it was, she thought to herself numbly.

She is a very insecure girl, sometimes she would just stare at her friends’ pictures and cry and laugh and praise them for how they look.

She was just a big blob of skin with very few bones visible, a big pile of fat doing nothing but wasting oxygen. Maybe she had a purpose, but that purpose is something she does not know of.

Sometimes she loved herself, she would cherish every part of her body in that moment, she would make the most of that moment, every second of that moment was precious to her, she loved loving herself, though it was rare.

By Parvathi MV